a year in

I feel the way I think changing. naturally. after something so different for so long, being daily approached and frustratingly reproached by aliens, staring off into skies and silent abysses when I run short of foreign speech. returning to site is tripping back to neverland. I've alluded to it before, lost boys and the sahelian jungle, with makeshift banquets, lawlessness, construction of emotional and enduring bonds. different kinds of fun going on here, different ways of living.

I feel like only remarkable people have the natural gift of objectivity. rather, my instincts move me to subject myself to my village. after dealing with locals and the elements, a whole morning of dragging feet and dicking around, I happen to be cruising my bike and feel myself slipping into a different character. a son, one who should be grateful that he gets fed every meal and has all his clothes washed by women who don't bitch, one who should work in the fields with his family, if only because they want me to be there with them, to share the experience. they're extremely proud of their work, they carry it with more truth than I've seen anyone else pull off. amazing grace.

but it's a double edged sword. there's a noticeable lack of creativity here, lack of knowledge and in need of progress, critical thinking. it's stifling. I strangely enjoy the desperate admissions by other volunteers, that they feel stuck, hopeless, unmotivated. I enjoy it because I share it on some fundamental level. I'm split between empathy for us and empathy for them. and all I figure after all the thinking I do in the bush is that we're all the same. just different places, different circumstances. we're all human, and you can't convince me otherwise. entreprenuers, thieves, mothers, laborers, etc. people who have seen it can argue with me, people who haven't, can't. but I wouldn't want anyone to take my word for it...

some family ameriki came out. they bought a cow and we had a dancing party. a lot of good feelings despite the incredible differences. the last few days were a rigid contrast to normalcy and yet another perspective for my consciousness. it was brief but striking, and I'm grateful for their visit.

I wish I could tell more about the past year, but it would be a lot of ideas and concepts I'm having difficulty literalizing. so until next time, the next chapter in fun.